Charlie's Bird
living the dream with Charlie and Thandi and chirping all the way back to the nest.Archive for March, 2017
The Madness
…of Dictator GJZ. Oh my fuckity fuck fuck fuck. What just happened? Where are all the good men in our ruling party? Who will stand up and put an end to this craziness? My heart is sore, and I am so very angry that this dictatorship has been unopposed. What has happened to our integrity? Or did that evaporate when we sold our souls to China, Russia, India, the devil – whoever would have it? All to protect a horrible little sly bully. Really?
Anyway, enough of that. Last night I hosted book club – and it was really lovely. One of the girls is getting remarried, and we had an informal bridal shower for her – nothing big – but we celebrated well. I themed my evening hollywood vintage and the dress code was a little black number, red lips! My menu was a prawn ritz to start; fillet with a madagascan green peppercorn sauce, followed by a delightful cheesecake – Donna Hay’s recipe – totally simple and so delicious!
My Girl
…is just the best. Last night while saying prayers, we always talk about gratitude, so she thanked Jesus for her lovely day and then asked that, “Please Jesus, help my mommy’s heart to feel better.” Bless her cotton socks!
I’m doing ok. Taking lots of strain, but getting through the days. I am still quite introspective, and all I really want to do is lie on the coach, watch the telly and read, but I can’t; so I am forcing myself to do stuff. I am struggling with the running motivation, when that alarm goes off I look for every excuse not to run, but I am just forcing myself out the door – sorry girls, I am always 2 minutes late, and I guess this is why… Every day seems very very long… And I am weary…
2 weeks until we head to CT, 2 and a half weeks until I run very bloody far…
Keeping up
… well, trying to. The weekend was; I got through it. I saw some patients, I sewed some aprons, ate some dinner, ran a good run, booked flights, and am feeling like I could just go straight back to bed this Monday morning.
weary
…the tank is empty. That is all…
(I could go on about my ‘feelings’, but frankly, even I am tired of them; you’ve heard it all before)
Tomorrow will be better.
Home from the farm
…so we are back. The time was good, but I am so on edge that I am struggling. My dad was ok. Not great, not relaxed. Just ok. I know I spoke about this last post, I am terrified for him, and a bit frantic. He is taking such strain! And I don’t know how to make him feel better. Or even just how to make this easier…
Anyway, enough moaning… How incredible is this view….
that’s from the deck… looking out over part of the farm, with the railroad running through it. And long goods trains trundle along it (yes, I could hardly believe it myself!), with over 100 carriages behind the engines – amazing!
We went off exploring – found many giraffe! And a girl on a bike!
And I did get to the sports shop in the neighbouring town, and got fitted with some new shoes! Let’s hope these ones do the trick! (saucony, since you’re wondering)
watching him
…watching me. guys, my Dad is falling apart, unsurprisingly… But it so hard to watch this happen. Yesterday I got the comment about there being nothing left to live for. I’m not sure how one is supposed to respond to that…
There isn’t an answer, I guess; I tried to remind him that he is indeed blessed, and that there are things to live for, even if Dawny isn’t there. I popped in last night, reminded him how to use the microwave, heated up a woolies instant meal, and made him sit down and eat it. I always thought my mom was the stubborn one – I’m realising he’s pretty hard headed too! I’ve convinced him to come away with us for the long weekend, but I can see his reluctance and general depression just getting him down. I hope he has a decent break with us, and in the quiet of the bush, finds he has more reasons than he imagined to carry on.
Those stages
…that I have to move through. I know yesterday i spoke about getting my head back in the game – well, I ran today, and nearly did why I said I can’t do while I run – cry. I don’t know if there is something wrong with me, or if I really am just tired, I am exhausted. Every step feels like it consumes so much energy. Crisis! I can’t quite believe I ran a marathon 2 and a bit weeks ago. Oh well, I guess this will pass…
Tonight I have a dance class, and then a meeting about Thandi’s next ballet show! I can’t wait to hear when it will be, so that we can plan our big holiday later this year. We are thinking Scotland – Charlie’s origins. And the Loch Ness Marathon!
Head in the game
…it’s time to get my head into this game – the 2 Oceans marathon is a month away – and I need to get my head straight, so that my training happens and so that I am mentally ready for this challenge. It feels monumental.
I had a mixed weekend – a good Saturday, and then Sunday hit me, leaving me very blue. Tearing up and sad – I retreated to the couch and indulged myself with a nap and a long read… By the afternoon I felt a bit bad that Thandi was being subjected to this boring day, combined with an irritable and teary mom, so we baked a cake. Not any cake, mind you, Dawny’s chocolate cake… And then the tears flowed…
And every bite had her closer to me.
I miss her so.
Making her happy
…if there’s one thing that will make my mother happy, is watching how the relationship between her children has changed. We are closer, talking (ok, messaging – we all hate the phone) more and just loving more. If that makes sense? The 2 nights I spent with my brother were just so good. Nothing spectacular, nothing dramatic, just nice. We had a great run together early on Wednesday morning, and he adjusted my laces to see if that would help with my foot ‘cramp’, and it was just so nice. Damn, we must be getting a bit sentimental as we grow up! I was just thinking that I really hope we are one day close to each other geographically when we retire, so we can spend lots of time together…
Divergent
…paths. Tonight I am flying to JHB, off to do a course on non inv*asive las%$er vagi*#%nal sur*ˆ&gery (sorry, adding those in, so that I don’t get found on google searches…) It’s a rather divergent path from my normal, day to day stuff, but an interesting walk down the plastic surgery path. Plastics was always something that interested me, it was the only other speciality I really considered when I decided to specialise, and I guess one has to find a bit of a ‘creative’ outlet? So, one day, maybe I will be a designer vagi*&%na specialist! If nothing else, the course is bound to be interesting and the psychology behind the requests fascinating!
Charlie's Bird 