Charlie's Bird

living the dream with Charlie and Thandi and chirping all the way back to the nest.

Archive for just moaning

The Foghorn

…with it’s mournful boom, the foghorn woke me up early this morning. I peeped out the window – it was dense the fog, blanketing the world beneath my window – making it quiet, still. Such a contrast to the racing anxiety in my head. I tried to meditate on that foghorn, to allow it to guide me out of my fog, but the thudding of my heart grew louder.

It’s feeling as though I am lurching from crisis to crisis this year – and yet another is looming ahead of me. I don’t want to deal with this one, because this one I am not going to be able to fix, this one I am going to have to endure, and this road will take me into the abyss.

Outrageous

…. I’m really growing fatigued by political correctness, what one can and can’t say. Now when you read my story, bear in mind I’m an OBGYN…

So at a meeting on Saturday, there was an awful lot of discussion about the renaming of vagi*^%#nal atrophy. Now apparently we can’t say atrophy (which implies aging/weakening) because that apparently upsets women who do have this issue. We can’t say the word vag*ina, because that is offensive. (I am only putting stars in to divert the porn seekers) Seriously! A body part name is offensive? Really?

I found that I started reciting ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!’

What has happened to us?

Calling

….Elvis, anyone home? Flip. Being on call over a weekend really sucks the positive vibes right out of me. I was in such a good place last week, and then this weekend chewed me up and spat me out. I think I’m growing out of calls.

The weekend had rough moments. I had an awful Friday night, just awful; and that left me, for want of a better word, brittle, over the weekend. Things that usually bring me joy didn’t. I’d been humming and hawing over a 10km race on Sunday, but decided I was too nervous to risk a bad time, and didn’t. (In my defense I did run to work on Sunday, with a brief pause to cheer my buddy who won the ladies race!)

I guess I just have to get over myself, another 12 years of this to get through before I get to retire.

The agony

… oh my… a dear friend of mine who has been through an awful awful divorce and whose new husband lives 1000km from her heard last night that if she proceeds with a move to be with her new husband, her children will have to remain with their father, according to the court. Watching her crumble and crumple was almost too much to bear. It’s any mother’s nightmare, it’s a disaster. 

And knowing what I do about her former husband, and her children, I am speechless. 

Justice and Mercy, where are you? 

The thing is

…it’s just not easy at the moment. Salut is closed. My mouth is sore (I saw the dentist today and he’s not sure what is going on). My running is tough at the moment (I am putting in extra effort, but feel like I am not seeing any rewards). Work is stressful. I am tired. Bear with me, there will no doubt be a few indulgent posts (woe is me kind of stuff) to come as I try to figure out what is going on in my head and my heart; because nothing feels like it should at the moment.

rehab

…for my body that is! Nothing gossip-worthy here!

I saw my chiro this morning for some needling. OMFityF! Let’s put it this way; there were tears, it was all so sore; and actually it was a bit better this morning than it has been. Thank God he had been in London last week when my legs were really bad. McHottie worked some magic, laughed at how badly my muscles were spasming (not in a nasty way, in an OMG I can’t believe what I am seeing kinda way), and has now left me feeling really tender and bruised. Let’s hope that tomorrow I will feel a little better. Running needs to just keep ticking over in the background. 5 and a half weeks to the Loch Ness Marathon!

(Let it be said I am seriously looking forward to some warmer days – I am so tired of running in the cold! You are all welcome to remind me about this when I am moaning about how hot and humid it is in summer!)

Monday Morning

….HYPERTENSION! Flip! I really hope karma is a nasty traffic officer! I am so tired of people feeling entitled to break the law, turn left from a right turning lane! There is this one intersection on my way to work; and drivers really behave like complete and utter douches there. Turning from the wrong lane, they clog up the traffic even more; and then give me strange looks when I try to stick to the law and drive as the traffic laws dictate. As though their time is so much more important than mine and the 3 seconds they may save by performing an illegal turn are crucial to their day. Oy! A rather annoying start to my Monday!

In saying that – the weekend was insane. I was super super busy on Friday night and Saturday (work wise) and then, poor Thandipants started throwing up on Saturday night; so all in all – just revolting! She was ok the rest of yesterday, but threw up again at 4:30 this morning – poor chicken, and all she wanted to do was not vomit so she could go to school. I’ve let her go in, but she was looking a bit pale and washed out. Let’s hope she’s over the worst of it!

Ok, time to get this week going!