Charlie's Bird

living the dream with Charlie and Thandi and chirping all the way back to the nest.

Archive for just moaning

Tantrum

…can I take a moment and have a heat tantrum, please? OMG, it is insane! The aircons at work are not even cooilng very well anymore, and I have had enough! When your weather app says this…

Phew

…yes, as expected, I am starting Monday feeling a bit tired. But, it wasn’t all the activities this weekend that has caused the tiredness, it is f*&%#ing Eskom. Now I know I am extremely reliant on having power. I live in a glass house (so I do not throw stones) and that means that my house is extremely hot – extremely hot, especially in February when we cook under a summer sun in this neck of the woods. Sleep becomes an optional extra in summer in my house if the air conditioner fails. And at 3am this morning, that is exactly what happened. No power, no air con, an awake birdie. This morning I was half awake at 3am when the power failed and then I was instantly awake and frustrated and hot. When I did sleep I was having some hectic dreams, so when I opened my eyes it felt all too soon.

I hate that I am reliant on incompetent idiots for my day to day comfort. I hate that I am so heat sensitive, but that’s what the menopause does to one. I hate that I cannot afford generators and inverters and batteries and solar and wind… And if I feel like that, how does the average South African feel?

Anyway. Monday is here, we are in for a rough week, best I just suck it up and get on with it.

retreat

…its tough at the moment. Not so much the daily stuff, but I am quite overwhelmed, so basically continuing my down in the dumps mood from Tuesday. I really just want to hide away from the world and retreat.

Objectively I am busy and have a few balls I am juggling, but nothing too terrible. The fundraiser dinner prep is ongoing and seemingly on track; the planning for the farewell luncheon is all fine, and I have my first work party happening this weekend. Work is ticking along. So all is actually ok. I just have a storm cloud over my head, and the wind s howling, there is thunder and lightening with heavy rain drops and all I want to do is hide.

Disappointing

…people remain so disappointing. This last week has been completely revolting, and I’m not even talking about me. We have seen women raped and murdered, children abducted, children shot in gang warfare, grandmothers murdered with their granddaughters. People are so fucking disappointing. And I fear how disappointing they may still become, and I wonder of I will be brave enough to send my child off into this great big bad world, where wolves lurk in post offices, spaza shops, bars, corner cafes and Fortuners.

I can’t

…breath anymore. Today is only a few hours old, but I am drowning. Drowning in responsibilities, drowning in work, drowning with the weight of my own expectations of myself.

Tomorrow will be better.

Too soon

…I spoke too bloody soon. This morning’s run was horrible. My legs were just tired and my energy was, as Donald would say, very low. Damnit. It didn’t help that it was 24 degrees with a hot berg wind blowing that made me feel so dehydrated. Ugh. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.

entitled

…sitting in the traffic this morning, I was, once again, astounded by the sense of entitlement that people show while driving. Watching people cut into a left turning lane from the right lane, seeing people impatient at stop signs and pushing into a congested intersection, seeing people scream through a robot on dark orange. And, as I wonder every morning, I wondered what made that particular driver so important that he did not have to stick to the rules. I wondered if he was racing to a sick child in hospital, no, because he turned to the shopping centre. I wondered if he was a policeman racing to an incident, well, no, no police vehicle or uniform. I wondered if he was a paramedic, well no, because he wasn’t in a branded vehicle or in any kind of uniform. And I wondered if his ‘crisis’ of time really justified his behaviour?

People are such idiots.