Charlie's Bird
living the dream with Charlie and Thandi and chirping all the way back to the nest.Archive for March, 2010
Thank you…
…for the outpouring of love and support. Things are not easy, and I know that they certainly aren’t going to get any easier. I am exhausted by all the emotions that I have careening through my brain, and I can hardly believe I haven’t run out of tears.
Today has not been easy, up at 1 this morning having a babe, (all went well) and then into theatre for 2 caesars, and another operation to remove an ovarian cyst – so busy there. And now I am seeing patients, before I drive to our neighbouring city, to attend a drug advisory board meeting for one of the companies. Then it’ll be into the car at 4 am again, to arrive back for work… Fortunately I stocked the car up yesterday with snacks and CD’s for the drive.
Tragically I am missing book club tonight, and it sounds like the girls have got a feast ahead of them which Angel has been slaving at for days (ok, maybe I’m exaggerating, but it sounds good!) I am sad to miss my girls! Have fun!
To explain
I guess I should shed some more light on what I said yesterday, it kills me everytime I think about it, let alone write words down.
Charlie and I have known since before we even knew each other that we wanted to have children; you know, the deep in your soul knowledge, that purpose driven feeling of wanting parenthood. And so it came to pass that once we were married we waited an appropriate time and threw our pills away, hoping for that pregnancy. Every month I read so much into it, felt different, felt convinced. I became a teetoteller, watched my caffeine and sugar intake, behaved… and despite that, nothing was growing…
Moving onto plan B, I had some blood tests done, and that’s where we have hit our first pothole, I have discovered that I have a condition called premature ovarian failure. While I seem to have regular cycles, and seem to ovulate on scans, my hormone levels show that my ovaries are not cooperating, and are not responding to the stimulation of my own hormones. While I might respond better to stimulation with medication, the chances are low that I will, and I might not repond at all. At this stage, I do not have all the information yet. I am booked for surgery in April to assess what everything looks like, and we are awaiting news on Charlie’s boys; so my fertility specialist, DB, cannot even predict what our path will be.
I am terrified, impatient, and most of all very, very sad.
life’s little knocks
Isn’t it amazing how life throws so many ‘slings and arrows’ at one, and you cope to a point, and then all of a sudden that ‘outrageous fortune’ becomes just that – outrageous, and its almost too much to bear.
I’ve recently found out that getting pregnant is not going to be the easiest thing for me to achieve, and given what I do, that’s just a supreme slap in the face. Today it seems like a huge burden, and I can hardly keep the smile on my face, while seeing these patients of mine.
Touching base
Hello, my peeps, sorry I have been MIA for a bit. Things have been abit of a whirlwind lately and I just have not had enough time to blog, very sad I know.
On Thursday, I headed out of town, a patient of mine was having surgery in our neighbouring city, and I went along to assist and learn a bit. The surgery took us about 3 and a half hours, so we ended up spending the night, with the genius surgeon and his family. DB is a very skilled surgeon, and he’s going to become very important person in my future. (watch this space) After a wonderful evening, Charlie and I hit the sack, because, at 4h00 we were up, ready to travel back, so I would be in time to see my patients. On friday, I had 34 bookings, tro be seen in 5 hours! It was super busy! I really was quite stressed, and I was tired (after 3 hours on the road) so my day wasn’t great. I finished in theatre with a minor case, after waiting an hour for an anaesthetist. Friday night, Charlie and I had a quiet one at home, with a fabulous sundried tomato pesto, bacon and chourizo pasta. Early night for us.
Saturday held lots of chores, a good afternoon nap and my associates wedding. What a special day, very windy, but special. The ceremony was on the local (very windswept beach) with the reception at a little cafe on the beach – very special. It was a second wedding for both of them, and the bride looked lovely in lavender. It was really special to see their families all there, to celebrate this long awaited union. Congrats D&L, many blessings to you both!
And today, I have wished Charlie farewell, as he heads off to do a training course in Mossel Bay. He’s there until wednesday, and the tragedy is that I’ll probably pass him on the road on wednesday, as I head off to a drug advisory meeting in our neighbouring city. So another busy week ahead for me!
Wild wednesday
What a wild day it has been and its only 14hoo! Chaos! 5 theatre cases, one was seriously difficult, taking 2 and a half hours and needing help from a senior colleague. Shoe! Anyway that is done and I now have to see 17 patients in the time allocated for 9. How do I give anyone the proper attention then? Guess I’ll be working late…
Today is young Chloe’s first birthday, daughter of my good friends, C&A, and we’ll celebrate with a glass of bubbly tonight – Happy Birthday Princess! (C, remember how well you did a year ago, champion momma!)
Round the world in 4 nights…
Yip, there was some food travelling this weekend. And some good taste experiences.
Friday night, after having a great giggle at Mike Naicker (Gotta love a comedian who makes the comment ‘If your gynae charges medical aid rates, he’s a dodgy fellow’ – patients, take note!) Charlie and I hit the local pizza joint for a bite. It was the first time back at this particular local in about 4 months. Atmosphere – dodgy as always; Pizza – nice, but way too much flour stuck the bottom of the base (yummy – NOT – to get a mouthful of flour with each bite)
By saturday, my sore throat was a bit worse, so forced myself to lounge next to the pool all day – yay! Then it was time for the killer afternoon nap – my best! Then we headed off to the big mall for sushi with Angel. Jonny, the super sushi chef confessed to us that he doesn’t really like sushi (WTF!), so made us a whole lot of non raw sushi type treats, very interesting stuff, I became very adventurous with eel and roe and all sorts of things. Personally, give me some good sashimi anytime.
Sunday, we had Charlie’s family over for breakfast, I did a modern take on the fry up. Puff pastry with all the things laid out on it – bacon, tomatoes, chourizo, asparagus, peppers – baked to puffy goodnes, served with mushrooms on the side and a fried egg; went down a treat with champagne and juice! I then started on my brioche, 6 and a half hours of prep… fortunately, the work was easy, but there was a lot of proving and rising and punching and proving again going on, so with my cold having taken a further turn for the worse, and I headed for bed, in between kneading. That evening, I baked those suckers – and they were delicious. I also whipped up a batch of lemon curd ice cream, but that’s so easy, it feels like I’m cheating. For dinner, I made a Nigella/Jacqui inspired asian prawn salad – very tasty!
And then yesterday, being a public holiday and all, I decided to spoil my boy (I also felt more human) and started out with cheat’s chocolate croissant – bloody marvellous things! After some gardening, reading, sunning myself next to the pool and scrapbooking, I launched into a roast beef dinner, with all the trimmings – yummy!!! Big spoil, as I seldom feel the urge to go overboard for just the 2 of us, and I did last night.
So, italian, japanese, chinese, french and english food all got a look in this weekend – not a braai in sight. What did you guys all get up to?
Pete has rowed…
Please check out the link to the solo transatlantic rower, Pete, an amazing South African man (possibly a little psychotic) has just finished his second voyage ina rowing boat across the Atlantic (first time on his own) He is a legend! Well done, Pete, you are an inspiration! So glad you’re back in your good lady’s arms.
Please be patient…
… I’m having a problem.
I just don’t have anything meaningful to tell you at the moment.
Work is too busy (what else is new…) and I’ve had 5 babies this week, and there is another one brewing for this afternoon (yes, friday afternoon on an off call weekend, I am a saint.)
Poor Charlie has had me at my hormonal worst this week, sorry my love, I’ve been a horror. I cannot believe how little I can cope with at the moment. Any change to my imagined schedule/plan is an enormous challenge, and I can barely cope with ‘alternative plans’. On wednesday afternoon I asked Charlie to fetch the pictures I had dropped off for printing at the photo shop and he arrived after they had closed their doors, so I had to do something else at scrapbooking that night, boy, did I overreact! Silly I know. But that has been the pattern of the week. Sorry love, you are my patient saving grace, and I adore you.
I miss my buddies from out of town, you know who you are… wish you guys were here. My in town buddies, I am sorry I am being such a dodgy friend, I’ve run out of steam, energy etc… I am so blessed with such amazing peeps, and I am just useless.
So, again, please be patient with me, I’ve got a lot going on, but I will emerge.
Out of balance
Today, I struggled with that balance I was talking about yesterday – normal (well sort of) programming will resume tomorrow…
The question of balance
I got an email this morning from one of my oldest and dearest friends, and she’s battling with the balance in life. Demands of family, work, and society encroach, and we tend to loose a bit of perspective. Some of the demands are what we inflict on ourselves, to eat right, exercise enough, be a good person, be a good wife/parent/friend; and at what cost to ourselves, I wonder?
I know I fall victim to this often, setting unreasonable goals, unattainable under any circumstances, and then beat myself up when I don’t achieve them. You know the old story; I’ll diet and loose 10kgs this month/ I’ll run every day and in 6 weeks will be ready for a half marathon/ I’ll take on XYZ project and finish it overnight. And its hard to see this behaviour as unreasonable because so-and-so seems to get it right. But when did we all get so goal orientated? When did the world become so outcomes orientated? Especially for us girls. We live these chaotic lives, career (and we must work way harder to get as much credit as our male counterparts), family (you don’t visit/call enough), housekeeping (groceries will be the death of me), gym (and the evil trainer, Gusto…), exercise (I feel guilty sitting on the couch), social commitments (its just a dinner/party), hobbies, argh….. there is just too much… And I just feel guilty doing less than my best at everything! I am getting better at letting some stuff go, but hey, I still beat myself up (I haven’t been to gym in 2 weeks – eek – the scale is standing still) and sit with an uncomfortable feeling of guilt in my throat… Us profeesional girls have really got things screwed up, don’t we…
Charlie's Bird 