I guess I should shed some more light on what I said yesterday, it kills me everytime I think about it, let alone write words down.
Charlie and I have known since before we even knew each other that we wanted to have children; you know, the deep in your soul knowledge, that purpose driven feeling of wanting parenthood. And so it came to pass that once we were married we waited an appropriate time and threw our pills away, hoping for that pregnancy. Every month I read so much into it, felt different, felt convinced. I became a teetoteller, watched my caffeine and sugar intake, behaved… and despite that, nothing was growing…
Moving onto plan B, I had some blood tests done, and that’s where we have hit our first pothole, I have discovered that I have a condition called premature ovarian failure. While I seem to have regular cycles, and seem to ovulate on scans, my hormone levels show that my ovaries are not cooperating, and are not responding to the stimulation of my own hormones. While I might respond better to stimulation with medication, the chances are low that I will, and I might not repond at all. At this stage, I do not have all the information yet. I am booked for surgery in April to assess what everything looks like, and we are awaiting news on Charlie’s boys; so my fertility specialist, DB, cannot even predict what our path will be.
I am terrified, impatient, and most of all very, very sad.
Charlie's Bird 
You are in my thoughts – ALOT. Hang in there. CR xxx