Charlie's Bird

living the dream with Charlie and Thandi and chirping all the way back to the nest.

Archive for October, 2018

Tears and fears

…I fear what I am becoming. I cannot end each day in a flood of tears, sobbing in the car on the way home, so that my daughter doesn’t see my tears.

(I know the solutions, I understand my predicament, but I cannot currently implement any of the solutions like taking a break.)

Breathing

…I was on call this weekend, and mercifully, the gods smiled on me, and I had no work to do, other than my rounds and discharging patients. I had a couple of phone calls, but they did not amount to anything, thankfully.

Friday night had me at an all time low – I was tired, stressed, had had a bad morning run where I felt terrible; and then I had to go to the maxillofacial surgeon again, because there had been a complication with the implant he did earlier this year. Apparently 1:100 have this – the implant did not completely get settled into the bone, and when the dentist tried too work on it, I hit the roof, so on Friday, Dr K had to remove it! Now we have to wait for the bone to grow again, and for the jaw to settle down, before we redo it in February next year. Considering this dental drama began in August last year – I am rather devastated! At this point when I was nursing my ego and my jaw, a call came regarding a walk in patient to the rooms, and I just lost my cool. Between hicuppy sobs I managed to make my way back to the office, calm myself down and attend to my patient. Then I found some big girl panties and ploughed through the afternoon.

Friday night we ran the local nite series run – it was a dress up – Mad hatters – and while most people donned funky hats, we went all out, and won the best dressed prize! Such fun. (but my patience, already thin was tested by the amount of motivational speaking I had to employ to get my daughter over the finish line!) She is a trooper though, but she will drive her mother mad!

Saturday was a busy day – between a few procedures at the rooms, a tap and modern rehearsal, a ballet exam and Charlie’s first market with his woodworking projects – I barely touched sides!

Phew! Anyway, all seemed to go fairly well, the market sales were not great, but hopefully we have learnt a few things from this one, to make the next one bumper!

And Sunday – well, that’s Runday! I managed a long run, half with the club, half on my own – it was hot and exhausting! I really hope this training will pay off and that I will have a good marathon in December!

One of those days

…when I just want to pick up the phone and chat to my mom. I want to tell her about my day, and the costumes I’ve been sewing for our dress up run tomorrow (Alice in Wonderland, since you’re asking). I want to tell her how it’s been hot and windy and how that makes everyone grumpy. I am desperate for her advice on some stuff going on in my life. I want to tell her all about her beautiful granddaughter, and how I finally get how she felt about us when we did well. I want to ask how she is, and hear her beautiful voice again. I need to commiserate and  have a moan about my dad, and how he’s driving me as mad as her drives her. And I want to tell her how much I miss her…

Running success

…now don’t come here looking for stories of a pb or a medal or an age category placement. Because it isn’t one of those. Instead, this is a tale of what it took for me to get to the start and finish lines yesterday.

So there is a rather famous half marathon in my neck of the woods. In 1987, as SA champs, it delivered a winning (world at that time) record of 60:11. I had the pleasure of witnessing it, as a young teenager. It’s always stuck in my mind because it was such a significant result; and the atmosphere at the finish line had hairs standing up as we willed the runners over that finish line, hoping for the mythical sub 60. (Reminiscent of the now aggressive sub 2 marathon attempts.) I have always surveyed this half marathon with some skepticism, it’s 5 laps of a 4km route, surely it’s going to be ridiculous! Anyway, with a feeling of obligation, I signed up and Saturday saw me registered, getting an early night and awakening on Sunday well rested (believe it or not!)

I got dressed, had a snack and coffee and had a quiet moment before I headed out the front door, doing my warm up down to the start (3km from home – would’ve taken me longer to drive with all the road closures!) and before I knew it, we were lined up and off the starters gun went.

The race was fantastic. Weather conditions were incredible – cool, overcast, with a gentle breeze. The wind picked up as the day progressed, but it was only during the last 2km that I was bothered by it. I spent the race on my own – lost in thought. Watching 2 ships coming into the port – incredible watching the pilot boat and tugs do their job, watching the sun rise through the clouds. The really exciting part was watching the race unfold before your eyes. And I guess that’s the issue on a point to point run – you never know how anyone is going, who is winning – and on this race, especially because I knew so many runners I was able to participate and watch the run. It was awesome. The winning group of men were so speedy, and the women’s race winner, who came from out of town, was in a league of her own. The last lap was almost boring, because by then they had won, and the watching became trying to figure out who was on lap 4 or 5, and where I was going to fit in.

While my time wasn’t amazing, and it’s 8 minutes away from my pb, I loved my run; and ran with a smile on my face for most if it. And I felt good and confident. It was a massive mental victory for me, I haven’t had a run like that in years!

No excuses

…despite looking for many, I could find no excuses this morning; and I hit the road for a pleasant run. Phew I was glad to have my running mojo back. I’d had a tough run on Tuesday – one of those that left me wondering who I was trying to fool, and considering quitting, even though I have just bought the most beautiful new running shoes. Fortunately, I am a rational person (sort of), and was surrounded by rational runners (well as rational as freaks who run marathons and ultras for fun), who encouraged me through one bad run; my rest day yesterday, although unplanned, was probably a good thing; and I had a nice run today agin. Phew! I don’t have to give up my pretty new shoes yet!

If only I could take a rest day or 2 from this treadmill called life.

Dispersable

…that’s what I am – a dispersible disprin. I got up at 4:20 this morning, got ready for my run and as I stepped out of the house I could feel a few drops of rain, so because I am hardcore like that, I am a disprin, and I melt at the first sign of rain, I turned around and went back into the house. My running group always tease me about this, and it was worse today, because it did not rain in the area they ran through. I will say though that about half an hour later it bucketed down in my neck of the woods.

Amazing what 6km as the crow flies does to the weather!

Cryptic clues

..so I realise that Friday’s post may have been somewhat cryptic. Basically, as it generally does, life has thrown me a little curve ball. And just when I thought I was getting on top of stuff (life and that sort of stuff), I have realised I am not. I have few reserveseft, but what I do have  is a good dose of Nyamazela – ness.

Nyamazela is a great Xhosa word. It has cropped up ver and over again in my life. A friend’s husband rowed across the Atlantic, his boat was called Nyamazela. A dear school friend blogs all the way from the UK, her blog is called Nyamazela. I work in the Eastern Cape (it’s the predominant Xhosa region) and it’s a word we use often in medical care. It means to ENDURE.

Whatever else I have going on in me, I have a great dose of nyamazela-ness, or should it be nyamazela-heid? I’m not sure. But I have a lot. I have the spent the weekend wrapping my head around my situation. I have to and I will endure.