Charlie's Bird

living the dream with Charlie and Thandi and chirping all the way back to the nest.

Archive for February, 2013

Dawny’s Day

…happy birthday to my Dawny! Dawn (2)

we are so glad you are home with us to celebrate your 76th year! Love my Dawny!

My forest

…in my forest, I found Big trees, some so big, I can’t ‘hug’ them!

069071some mushrooms – magic/edible/toxic – I’m not sure?

065A forest fairy, who doubles as a

072

tree hugger, in fact, there was even a 073

tree kiss!

076An all round beauty in my forest of heaven!

 

The weekend what was

…in a 40 patient day, there isn’t much room to talk, but it was good, there were moments of intense anguish for me, but like I said, I know it will get better.

Dinner Saturday night was great – photo’s to follow; and Sunday we went to the mountains – to see our land… so so so good….

reconnecting

…testing, testing 1, 2, 3… Anyone still out there?

I am here, still standing. Thank you for the outpouring of support we had. I am still very raw, but time is doing her magic. I’m not sure what our road ahead holds, so I can’t say yet – we will see.

The agony of a cycle like this is indescribable. We never stood a chance. My failing body failed rather spectacularly this time. To explain a little about the cycle and the medication we use. My ovaries get stimulated with certain meds, while this is going on other drugs are given to prevent you from ovulating. Yes, I was on those drugs. Sadly there is a 1-2% chance of failure of these drugs. We fell on the wrong side of those stats… There was little to warn us of this, aside from an increase in my abdominal discomfort on Thursday evening last week, which required a bean bag and paracetamol, which is a lot for me. I assumed it was because of my well performing ovaries having more follicles than before. Blood tests done on Thursday morning gave no inkling of the drama unfolding in my pelvis.

To say that I was devastated wold be undercalling it – the tears flowed, the great fear was realised – we were done with this cycle. My heart and brain just screamed no, over and over again… It hurt beyond description. And maybe its a funny thing to call that one of my worst hurts, it was up there with when we thought we were losing Tenacious, but to have believed, had faith enough to subject oneself to this revolting process again, to take that leap of faith, only to find yourself dashed up against the rocks. All mercy feels abandoned…

It has been very hard coming back to work, I had to tell my colleagues – all those expectant faces – rehashing the news over and over again. Even sitting in my office has been hard this week, somehow I usually cope, but it has been very very hard this week. What I do know is that next week will be ok, and the one after that, and we will survive this. What we do next is anyone’s guess.

Day 15 and it’s all over

…so the 2 little eggs that they managed to salvage yesterday did not fertilize overnight, so this is it for this cycle. If they couldn’t get them fertilized by injecting a sperm into them, there is virtually no chance of any spontaneous fertilization happening with the insemination. So this is how it ends…

Day 14 disaster

… so there is no good news today… At retrieval this morning it was discovered that I had already ovulated. The medication meant to hold me didn’t work, and we were too late… They did a straightforward insemination, and they did manage to salvage 2 eggs from my abdomen, but they don’t look good… Too late…

Our hearts are broken, I am so frustrated and tired… Forgive me radio silence while I try to regroup and piece together this shattered soul…

Day 13, smiling

…sort of. This morning on the way to work, there were pointsmen on the worst robots in the world ever, which made my trip to work a complete and absolute pleasure. Yay for the muncipality working for me today! long may it last! I almost jumped out my car and kissed the traffic man, but then thought better of it. But how nice it was to have someone controlling the flow of chaos, and this morning I needed a positive to lift me.

In other news, my ovaries are aching… I can’t remember being so uncomfortable before… Eina! This afternoon we jump back into the car and travel to the neighbours, we’ll see the Dips and that’s always cool, and then Saturday I get harvested. Please, please let there be good eggs…

Dawny is doing better, her pain is under control, she has a bit of colour back in her cheeks after her transfusion, and her clotting is under control. Thank goodness!

Thanks for all the love and support! My peeps are precious!