Charlie's Bird
living the dream with Charlie and Thandi and chirping all the way back to the nest.Archive for September, 2010
Day 32
…and we’re off, with a bang! Busy day yesterday, actually made it to scrapbooking for the first time in about 2 months, back to the hospital after that, then eventually home, and today seems to be shaping up pretty much the same. At work early, sorting out a few problem patients, then off to the state hospital for my monthly clinic there, which was double, because of the strike, then back to labour ward, and now back to the rooms for 12 patients in 6 appointments, then its off to theatre again, with 2 in labour! Crikey.
I have to say that this has been one of the wierdest times of my life. I’m feeling incredibly isolated, and I know that’s just wierd. I can’t explain it, don’t understand why, but I do. And the scan is starting to loom ahead in my brain, and my anxiety levels are rising again, I wonder if I’ll actually enjoy any of this, or if its just 40 weeks of anxiety that trash my already fragile heart. Ai…
Day 31
…and I’m tired. It seems the insomnia bug has struck again… last night I didn’t get much sleep, I tossed and turned, mmbled and grumbled. And today has been insanely busy already. Oy vey! I was in theatre this morning, 7 cases done in 5 hours, not bad going, but lots of pressure on me! Anyway, now I am in the rooms, awaiting the onslaught of 18 patients in 9 appointments…
Forgive me for not having much to say, I just don’t have the energy.
Day 30
…and nothing seems very real. I’m in a bit of a funk, not sure why, while I am extremely grateful to be here, I am still reeling with what an awful thing this is to go through, the whole IVF thing, that is, and all these bloody awful medicines I have to (still) use, its all pretty horrible. Tomorrow will be better, I hope. And early June will be incredible. Today I’m in the grumps. Anyone got some worms for me?
Day 29
…and the repeat results are in, and we’re going up appropriately! Thursday, the level was 32, so with it having to increase 66% every 2 days, I was hoping for a value in the region of 100, and I got 156! Hooray! I am really really chuffed today:-D
Day 28
…and we are back from the mountains and forests. Wow, what a lekka weekend, very relaxing and easy going. On friday we headed to the forests via the mountains, making a 3 hour trip out of a direct route which would have taken 40 minutes, but it was so worth it. The mountains were shrouded in mist, rain fell gently and it was freezing at about 10 degrees, we stopped at one of our favourite spots on the edge of the mountains for lunch and settled next to a log fire, and were spoilt with a delicious toasted sarmie – very much a gourmet sarmie. Then it was over the mountain and not so far away to the forests, and what a special little weekend it was, we checked in at our quaint little country hotel, and defrosted next to the fire in the bar area, books in hand, now that’s my idea of pleasure. Saturday morning after the fll english breakfast, we headed into the forest and did a gentle walk in amongst the trees, getting to some sadly very dry waterfalls. Wow, the whole area can only be described as parched… The rest of saturday was spent dozing, reading, dreaming…. Today my folks travelled through from home and joined us for a lovely roast lunch – don’t have that too often anymore these days, so that was a treat.
Just a couple of piccies from our weekend.
In other news, I’m still quite crampy, but since I tell patients that that is normal, I guess I must deal with it. Tomorrow I will test again, and we’re hoping for a good rise in the BHCG levels, I’ll keep you all posted! I’m very anxious too, I know we still have many pass/fail points to get through, but I’m excited to be here, 4 weeks and 1 day pregnant!
Day 26
…and our cheeks are sore, from the smiles that have been plastered on our faces!
Its such a special moment, it isn’t free of anxiety though, and the repeat test looms, but for now, we’re celebrating this moment. We’re now proven pregnant, no longer PUPO! We’re off to the mountains and forests today for a bit of a break away, and I hope its going to be good, sure it will be. I’ll chat again on sunday evening, you all have good heritage days now!
So the thing is…
So it’s quite a thing when your doctor calls you and says he can’t cope any more and needs to know if you’re pregnant or not. And it’s even more of a thing when you do that test (with some grumbling because your day tomorrow has been planned around this test) and that test is POSITIVE!
Charlie and I are speechless, grateful and awestruck! Thank you for all the spport and cheers from the sidelines! And thank you, for answered prayers.
Day 25
…and it just doesn’t stop, another night spent delivering, and that after some severe initial insomnia, oy vey, how do I get through this? And damnit, the sun is shining, how dare it, I need dark stormy clouds, howling winds and lashing rain to match my emotional state, I feel like I am on a dingy in the middle of a stormy sea, and there ain’t no respite for this weary traveller. Tomorrow is coming though, and maybe there’ll be peace in my soul again then.
Day 24
…and I am tired, so very tired. It’s now starting to feel like a very long 2 week wait, and I have been so busy at work, I’ve been up so much at night this last little while, I can’t tell you when I last had a decent sleep, well, I can, and that was in the neighbouring city during our procedures. The demands have been great of late, work, emotions, drama amongst the staff… too much on my plate. So despite working at my own pace, it has been too much anyway.
Physically I don’t feel much different, whether that means anything, I don’t know. I’m still crampy and sore, throw in a sore back too from working, I just don’t know. The drugs play such tricks on your mind. I am feeling so detatched from this round though, its wierd. My cycle buddy’s early pregnancy has not stuck around, so she’s nursing a very sore heart today, and its made me very anxious.
Thanks to everyone for all the messages of support and care, I’m sorry if I haven’t replied, I just can’t at the moment. Breathing is hard at the moment.
Day 23
…and I wish it was thursday, so that tomorrow I could test… Yes, for all of you wondering, its friday that I test. This time, even if it wasn’t a holiday I would have taken the day off, so I will test early morning, and after hearing results Charlie and I are heading for the mountains and forests for the weekend, really looking forward to that. Last time working on test day was just horrendous, there I was with a broken heart and shattered dreams, having to celebrate other people’s excitement. pure torture.
My cycle buddy is having a hard time, with results that are doing strange things and she’s been bleeding, so please send a prayer her way today, I’m still hanging onto the dream of our children playing and growing together.
In other news, unrelated to fertility (phew, she can talk about something else!) I’ve been bitten by a sort out and tidy bug. In my world, that comes along VERY seldom, so last night I sorted through some old magazines, and cleared the leaning tower of mags that was languishing in my bedroom. So now I have some very neat piles on the book shelf. I think my next project is the spare room, which has become a bit of a dumping zone, oy vey. While I was sorting out, I went throgh a couple of magazines, and I’ve found some great ideas for some upcoming baby showers, birthdays and christmas pressies. So getting my crafty hat on, and getting creative again, which I love, love, love!
Charlie's Bird 