Charlie's Bird

living the dream with Charlie and Thandi and chirping all the way back to the nest.

Archive for June, 2017

Humbled

…life really can be cruel; and humbling. Just when things seem to be going well, and it seems like I have found an even keel; something comes along that absolutely devastates me, cutting me down to size, making me feel very small again, makes me want to just curl up in my mom’s lap and sob into her shoulder. The kind of things that make me really question myself, my personality, my aims and goals. I guess any reflection is good. If I go through all the questioning and emerge after this crisis in a better space, unimproved person; then I guess it’s ok.

I see a lot of running in my future, again (if I could just get my leg feeling better).

(no need for panic – my health, and that of my family is all fine; my marriage is fine, no drama in the office, I’ll tell you about it eventually)

Adulthood

…really can be rather disappointing. On days like today, I feel the need to stamp my feet and protest, like a small child, but one can’t. So instead I am pulling a face at the world, behind it’s back, with my fingers stuck in my ears.

 

A weekend in the garden

…so the weekend was busy, but it came to a delightful denouement with T, M and C’s farewell party. In 3 weeks my beautiful German family are moving back home. We are in a bit of denial – after 5 years we are going to miss them terribly!  It’s also fairly unusual, I think, to make such an amazing friendship in adulthood. My nearest and dearest are people I have known since I was 5, but somehow, this little family, who I have gotten to know only over the last 9 years have become very special to me – and it’s the kind of friendship that will survive distance and years. Saying goodbye is going to be hell!

The party was amazing – hosted at a garden cafe at our local nursery, we ate great food, drank far too much wine (which is why I couldn’t run this morning…) and relaxed under a beautiful canopy of ivy and vines. The tables were decorated with crisp white clothes, protea place mats, glass vases with bunches of proteas. Rather appropriate for a farewell to SA party. Food highlights were bobotie filled mini pancakes and mini peppermint crisp tartlets. Yum!

Now this was my second trip to the same cafe over the weekend – we ran the nite series on Friday night, started there – 5,5km on a stunning single track through the forest area next door. So stunning! My time was not amazing, but I thoroughly enjoyed it! Charlie sweated up a storm and seemed to enjoy it too. Next month we run the next one in the series- we’ll see how that one goes! Yay!

 

Maternal guilt

…flip, it’s a killer! After a really crazy week in terms of after hours activities and responsibilities, I was feeling like such an awful parent last night, and when I went into T’s bedroom to kiss her goodnight, to see her shiny teary eyes, I felt even worse, and ended up having a good old sob.

It all started with a call from my brother on Monday reminding me that friends of his were arriving to stay at the beach house on Wednesday; which meant that Charlie and I had to get out there to clean and tidy up, check that everything was in order – you know how it goes – a holiday house stands, the geckoes run riot, things get dusty; so we were out there on Tuesday night, sweeping, moping, making beds, tidying up, putting some groceries into the fridge. I had anticipated we’d take an hour, so we thought we’d be able to grab some supper on our way home, but it took 2 hours, by this time it was 7:30, so I thought, instead of supper – a roll or a quick pie at the local beach spar – but it was already closed, so our poor child fell asleep in the car on the way home, hungry and exhausted. Terrible mom. We did stop then at the local (closer to home) KFC and she demolished a quick chicken pops before heading for bed, way later than she should have.

The next disaster was on Wednesday night – we had our usual supper with friends, and went out for a change to a local curry spot. Dinner went well, and mom had a treat lined up at home for afterwards – a malva pudding cupcake, which T had chosen herself; except when we got home it was gone – assuming our domestic ungoddess had either eaten it, or not even realised it was in the box, and tossed it out. Poor child. Off to bed without her dessert; and way after bed time again!

Yesterday we were all tired and bit bedraggled, after trying to sort out T’s passport renewal, and then dashing around trying to do some quick groceries, in a freezing cold gale that was blowing everyone’s  senses of humour away; we got home, and and after watching a bit of TV, supper turned into a trial of mom and dad’s patience. After finally finishing her required bites (swallows would be more technically correct) of her tomato soup through tears (hers and moms), she headed off to bed (on time at least last night!). And when I went to kiss her goodnight, that little face looking up at me with shiny eyes, saying she was ok, she was crying because her heart was happy (which I know was just a story), we had a good cuddle and hug and I then bawled.

This morning she is bright eyed and bushy tailed with not a care to be seen, but this mama heart is guilt wracked…

I’m hoping a weekend of love and cuddles and we will all feel better!

Come on summer

…ok, ok, I probably don’t really mean that – I’m not sure any perimenopausal woman ever means that; but given how damn cold my last 2 runs have been, I am very glad that the solstice has come. We can now start to look forward to some more light; some more warmth.

This morning , on the way to my run, through a little dip near the river, the temperature dipped down to 6°C! Yesterday it was 9°C! Crazy cold for my little neck of the woods. Yesterday there was also a sneaky breeze that seemed to just cut through my clothes. After 2 freezing mornings, I think it’ll take me days to warm up again… But, I’m looking on the bright side of things – I am out there, running and feeling good! 2 trail runs are lined up over the weekend – 1 on Friday night, 1 on Saturday afternoon, excited to get out onto the trails again! Yay! Those are nice after a long stretch on roads.

Ok, let’s get this Thursday on the go!

Relief

..flooding through me. I had an MRI of my brain and neck today and X-rays – there is no brain tumour, no need for any neck surgery. I cannot tell you how relieved I am. Phew!

Now to find a solution for this flipping annoying headache!

Crazy and quiet

…this was a weekend of contrasts – moments of such peace and quiet – awesome – to moments of pure blind terror and chaos! It was insane! By last night I was feeling a bit odd!

Friday had been a lovely quiet youth day. Saturday Morning was the busiest time on call that I have had for a long while (preterm twin caesar delivery; an emergency caesar for feral distress to discover a mother bleeding out, a horrible miscarriage)! Sunday started well, and then ended with some drama with a planned home birth being brought to hospital, only to have her deliver in the parking lot, to everyone’s consternation!

The rest of the weekend was nice – had some good family time with my daughter – shopping for Father’s day gifts for Charlie and Pops; playing monopoly on a cold Sunday afternoon; preparing a roast dinner for Sunday lunch for the Dads. She is such a sweetie pie – we are having the best time with her at the moment. So interactive, so kind, so sweet, so intuitive.