Charlie's Bird

living the dream with Charlie and Thandi and chirping all the way back to the nest.

Mind wanderings .2

…so then, let’s talk about the work thing…

So I am very disillusioned with my career currently. I am feeling very let down by medicine at the moment; have been for a while, but it’s taken a long time for me to be able to put it into words, and even then, it’s going to be clumsy.

So, you know when you start a new relationship, and it’s feels so exciting and stimulating – well that’s what it was like 15 years ago for me. I was the new puppy bounding into Groote Schuur Hospital, all excited and bouncy (without the weeing on the carpet) and slowly, slowly, the sheer volume of work and mahoosive responsibilities that come with the work have worn me down. The medical insurance industry has sheered off any veneer of shiny happiness I might have had, and slowly now the medical aids, with their rules and regulations are starting to chop away at the very core of me. I feel compromised and virtually assaulted every day…

But, and there is a big but (no, not butt!) and that is that deep down I really love this. Delivering that baby, hearing those first cries, seeing the melting moments for the parents; holding hands during tough times, being able to be the port of call when things are going wrong; being able to help; are some sort of balm to my soul…

The balance between these scenarios is so difficult to maintain. Experience skews the graph. And right now, it feels like I have been betrayed by this mistress who enticed me with the nice stuff. She’s now dragging me through a lengthy separation, calling me names (money-grabbing; insensitive; callous; dismissive), yet still expecting me to whisper sweet nothings in her ear.

I know I have been burnt out; I know I am staring into the abyss where the black dog barks; I know change must come; I’m hoping that it will come, and save me from my doom…

(as an aside – yesterday we met with a young lady who may want to join our practice – this may be the change I’ve been hoping for – cross your fingers, toes and eyes; pray to the Gods!)

(I apologise for the multitude of mixed metaphors)

4 Comments»

  halberts2014 wrote @

Deep stuff. Hope the new lady leads to a change

  nyamazela wrote @

Yip. Deep. 1) Praying for the new patterned opportunity to be the right thing. 2) Maybe you could ‘run’ (no pun intended) for position of Health Minister and make changes to policy? But then you sit in an office and have no patient contact 😛 . 3) I’m sorry I don’t have a useful no.3 except breathe, rest, and put one step in front of the other … God in his grace and mercy will get you there. And I cheer you on!!!!!

  nyamazela wrote @

Partner not patterned 😝

  MamaCat wrote @

We all go though cycles in life, just the same as everything in nature. DO not despair, you will be better.


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