Charlie's Bird

living the dream with Charlie and Thandi and chirping all the way back to the nest.

So tired

I am so tired. Tired of being sad, tired of feeling like something is missing, tired of this brokenness in me…

I miss the second child I will never have, and I am overwhelming sad for Thandi. She of course doesn’t know what she is missing. I don’t really know what she is missing, my brothers were at boarding school when I was born, and were out the house growing up, being soldiers and students when I was starting out at school, but I know she is missing something good. Knowing how much joy Thandi has given me, how she has filled my heart to overflowing, I am so sad I don’t get more of that. I’m still fairly pissed off with the cards life has dealt me. I mean, an OBGYN with infertility – come on! Most days I am able to make my peace. Today I am just too tired.

I don’t think it will ever go away entirely, the longing, but I can come to terms with the fact that I gave motherhood a hell of a shot. I did more than many woman can or would do. I am, as always, very aware of how blessed I am to have my Thandigirl (before anyone accuses me of not counting my blessings). I just wish I could shake that tired old sad feeling deep within…


  runnermum wrote @

Ohhh Charlie my heart bleeds for you! And then you have people throwing their babies away or abusing them. There are just no words and it makes me question everything.

Hugs my runner friend.

  charlie wrote @

we’ll never get over it my Love ! but our princess doesnt know any different and she is surrounded by peers so she’ll be fine . If she turns out like you then we will have done an awesome job !

  Alexandra wrote @

Surprisingly to me there seem to be more and more single children out there (parent’s choice) and it appears there are certain advantages to being a single child.

I’m sure Thandi won’t feel the loss having two such loving parents and not having to share you with a sibling.

  charnetrollip wrote @

pissed off for you….tooooooo unfair


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