Charlie's Bird

living the dream with Charlie and Thandi and chirping all the way back to the nest.

Heart longings

… my heart is still so very tender. I am ok, and we are coping with the loss/modification of a dream.

The very physical nature of this cycle has floored me. I am shattered from the mere challenge of getting up, walking from my bed to the bathroom, from my desk to the waiting room. I am also tired of the pain. It’s been 11 days now, and yes, there have been improvements, but, it’s crazy how tiring it is. I take my hat off to patients who have chronic pain conditions, and I apologise to anyone whose chronic pain I dismissed. Never again… I also have underestimated how much mental strength it takes to just ‘get on with it already’; some days it really has seemed that it would be far far easier to hole up in my bedroom, and just hide from prying eyes and indulge the agony in me. But somehow I have managed to drag myself out of bed, pulled myself through the shower, and driven into the office; seen patient after patient, done the deliveries and surgery that needed doing; and somehow made at home at the end of the day… A quasi-existence…

Through this, Charlie has been a rock. I know he is a bit bewildered by me, and I think it is never easy to see your loved ones in pain – physical or emotional, but he has picked up the slack at home, stepping in and helping with Thandi, cooking, shopping – especially when he sees me struggle. Thank you my love. I would do all of this all over again, for you, for our future; because I love you, and I love who I am in your eyes. I love our little family, you have kept me anchored through this storm, my safe port.

3 Comments»

  charlie wrote @

*gulp* love you too my Angel ! *Gulp*

  Renee wrote @

Wow, feel for you, one good thing you do have a very good husband, and know you are greatful. LOL

  Chelsea’s Mom wrote @

Heart is so for you! Funny how this “natural” process can be so hard! Its a rollercoaster! Thinking of you…


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